1. Let’s Play My Boyfriend for Nintendo DS - Part 1

    Ok, so I can find little to nothing about this game other than some videos of girls gleefully giggling while showing me some text, so let’s dive right into the painfully sexist joyride that is bound to be My Boyfriend.


    Now from the start this just screams quality, with the fun font they picked out for those buttons, and flaming heart up top. So with our name entered, we are faced with this choice:


    Which boy to charm is a rather important decision in a game called My Boyfriend I wager, so I spent a long time considering my choice, and eventually settled on the ‘rebel’. It’s the skate board, I just can’t resist.

    (Honestly, though, is it just me or do all three of them look like the same man in different outfits)

    So, let’s see what the actual gameplay brings to the table:


    The character at the top looks eerily like me, and this slightly unnerved me, but anyway as you can see this game isn’t exactly…beautiful. Tiny, squashed pixels of figures fill the bottom screen, in which I see they were going for the compressed-Jpeg look.

    I have no idea what all those meters mean at the top - Sun, Butt, House, Pigtails? I will investigate further later. For now, lets talk to the girl next to us.



    (Continued with text now that you’ve seen how the dialogue thrillingly appears)

    Me: Today I found my AB-SO-LU-TE dream guy!

    Best friend: No! Really?! Come on, Tell me; what does he look like?

    We are then presented with these options:


    Keep in mind we are describing this:


    I went with ‘Breathtaking’, and if that isn’t what comes to mind when you look at that image, honestly I’m a little confused about you.

    Me: I really don’t know where to start. He has totally bowled me over!

    Best Friend: Look at you! You look like you’re desperately in love! Have you spoken to eachother yet?

    Two of the options here don’t really seem to make much sense, so I went with the bottom one: 


    How can you ‘somehow…’ talk to someone, or have no idea if you have? I’m starting to wonder if these options are actually a multiple choice quiz. Anyway, ‘I’m too shy…’ was selected:

    Me: That’s the worst thing! I am just too shy to talk to him…it’s so frustrating!

    Best Friend: I’ve got an idea, come with me to the school yard…

    Oh dear. This sounds ominous, but there is no choice here - our best friend drags us to the school yard.


    Or, should I say ‘completely deserts us in the school yard’. Now, this wouldn’t be such a problem if the walking controls for this game didn’t go like she’s wading in gallons of treacle. 

    I feel like now is a good time to mention that the music for this game is a churning loop of about  5 notes, that staggers every time it starts again. No matter where you go, this musical monstrosity follows you.

    Eventually, we find the best frie-

    I didn’t manage to get a screen shot of this next part because it happened so fast, but I walked by a sign and suddenly:


    What? What gig? Am I in a band? Do I know a band? Why is this my job? These may all be questions you’re asking. The game gives absolutely no explanation, so keep asking.


    So basically you just walk around clicking people (Or the same 4 people, since apparently the makers could only be bothered to make so many sprites), but the timer is pretty tight, still, job done, the search for our best friend resumes, and is again thwarted, this time by a wad of flying money:


    The minigames in this game are set out like this, apparently. They just leap out at you if you come near various flying objects. This minigame is studying, however, tell me if you notice an odd subject out here:


    Anyway, basically you can click each one and get a couple pages of text on it:


    If anyone can tell me what this has to do with a stack of flying money, I will GIVE you a stack of flying money. So, time to exit this minigame and try one last time to look for our eternally lost best friend:


    FUCKIN’ FINALLY. Let’s see what this master seduction plan of hers is: 

    Me: So! What do we do now that we’re here?

    Best Friend: Your description fits one of the boys in our class. Can you see him anywhere?

    Given that our description was ‘Breathtaking’, I’m a little doubtful about that, but I digress:

    Me: You really mean it? Hmmm….but I can’t see him…

    Best Friend: Don’t just give up! Hmmm…I have an idea… Hey! Could that be your dream guy up at the front?

    Me: Where?! Ah…That’s him! Uh-oh, I’m going weak at the knees. What do I do now?

    I have found that the writer of My Boyfriend was a fan of ellipsis. 

    The chat ends as abruptly as most things in this game, and it’s time for us to go meet our guy.

    Will he be as dreamy as we hope? 

    See in Part 2.

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    this is fucking brill and you should all read it
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    Many of you will know Em as Quenen from the Cheaterated streams - she is hilarious, awesome, and the founder of the...
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