“I don't know what I'm doing
Alright, it’s time to go meet our dream hunk out by the front of the school. And I must say, today he looks especially hunky:
Let’s talk to him, or rather click the strange atom thing floating above his head.
Or…not…So instead of having a nice conversation with this boy and building a communicative relationship, we’re going to play another mini-game. Why do I get the feeling this’ll be a recurring theme?
Getting the hearts isn’t difficult, they’re hardly hidden:
But it still took a while due to the painfully slow walking. The music feels like it’s mocking me at this point. Note that before this point, we’ve selected and gained items by tapping with the stylus, but now we have to walk into these hearts. Consistency!
Sweet, so now can we talk to the boy? Let’s go click on his atom thing again.
Oh, what was I thinking. Of course not. Instead: More Mini-games! In this one the goal is to click the massive button when the heart along the top moves trudingly and slowly to the green bits on the meter:
Not really taxing, so it’s over pretty fast and a text box tells me I did a great job. Alright, so NOW can we talk to him?
WE CAN! I must say, he seems rather polite for a ~rebel~. Let’s hope he kicks up the game soon.
I was mystified by the second option, so I chose that. ‘Pretext’:
Me: Ahh…Do you have…I mean…Can you tell me…what time it is?
Dream Guy: Sorry, I don’t wear a watch. Ask the people over there…
This was clearly the wrong option as the game makes a noise that would make Windows error messages seem like Mozart, then sends you abruptly to your house. Alright, what if we pick ‘joy’?
Me: This is amazing; it’s really you! I have found you again!
Dream Guy: I had no idea you were looking for me. But perhaps we could talk again later? I have to go and do a few moves.
Again, we’re booted out and back home. Oh well, can’t blame a under-sexed high school girl for trying. When we get home, it looks like mum wants us:
Let’s see what she wants.
Oh no. I do hope the best friend isn’t wanting anything more than ‘I awkwardly told him I used to know him but I don’t then he left’. Not that wouldn’t be a riveting romance story.
Me: OK, Thanks mum!
Walk over and click the ugly atom thing above our phone, and best friend is called.
Me: Hi, how are you?
Best Friend: (Telephone) Hi Sweetie! Well…? How did it go? Don’t keep me in suspense any longer!
I like how they added in the ‘(Telephone)’ note, just in case we forgot.
Me: Okay, well, you know…we couldn’t talk for long.
Best Friend: Hey, come round to my house and we can talk about it in person!
I swear this game changes setting every five seconds. So, off to Besties, but first, we have to ask permission from mum, for ~realism~ I guess:
Me: Hi mum! What are you doing?
Mother: I have just been reading a news article that says an increasing number of young people are taking student jobs to earn a little extra pocket money. Perhaps you would be interested in that?
Me: Yes! I was just going to ask around for a student job. By the way; I want to go visit my best friend today. Is that OK?
Mother: Of course it is my darling, but don’t be home too late. Have a good time!
Alright, now that MUM-BOT114 and ME-BOT990 are done talking, we have to ask dad for permission too. This wouldn’t be a bother, if I didn’t have to go outside the house just to get a good view of him:
Me: Hello, Dad! Can I help you with anything?
Father: Thank you darling, but I’m just making dinner. You know that healthy food lovingly prepared is vital for a sound body and mind!
..Dad, you are obviously sat on the couch. Stop lying.
Anyway, let’s ask our deluded father permission to go girltalk with bestie:
Me: You’re right! And I can always love the taste in your cooking! Is it OK if I go see my best friend?
Father: Of course you can! Why don’t you both go out in the garden? You’ll both really enjoy that!
We blatantly ignore our father and leave with a simple:
Me: Thanks dad! See you later. Love you!
We’ll see how cheerful dad is when we’re arm deep in rebel man me—so anyway, looking around the house, there isn’t anything except windows you can tap that take you to this screen:
That meter fills up while squeaking noises that sound like a mouse trying to cough up something. There is no interactivity in this ‘mini-game’, none. You just listen to squeaks and watch a meter fill up.
When something can be interacted with, it has a little heart on it, like so:
A…table? What’s the table game?
Again, you just watch the meter fill up. The only purpose this serves is to fill up one of your little stat bars at the top, that go down so slowly anyway that I think you could make the whole game without filling them.
Anyway to best friend’s house. We leave our house and are promptly booted out onto a street. There is no map in this game, only a very vague direction of ‘Left-Park, Right-School’.
Riiiiight, but what about our garden where we’re meant to be meeting our girlfriend?
And looked some more.
After an hour (I’m not joking) of searching, I give up and go to the shopping mall, where this image appears:
So after we do squats with some shopping, back to our search. On the way, I see a little dog is clickable, presumably for some petting or something. But I could not be be more wrong:
So basically, it’s exactly the same as the hearts game, but like a kind of Dance Dance revolution thing where you have to press a button as the dog steps onto the yellow squares:
Video games are art
Ok so dog pooped and squats done, it’s time to finally talk to our best friend:
I don’t know if I’d call that a garden. Anyway, lets see what she has to say:
Best friend: Hello sweetie! Well? Tell me then, whats your dream guy like? Did you manage to hit it off?
Me: Hi! My heart beats madly when I think of him. Ohh, he is so gorgeous! What do I do now?
The writing in this game would make a Mills & Boon writer cringe. So what do we do now?
Best Friend: You said your dream guy had to go off and do something?
No I didn’t but whatever:
Me: We could only talk for a few moments, he said he wanted to ‘do some moves’. I don’t know what he meant by that…
Best Friend: Hmmm…me neither. Maybe someone from the neighbourhood will know?
Man, I wonder what he could have meant.
It’s an absolute mystery.
Truly, I am perplexed.
WHAT COULD HE HAVE MEANT?!?!?!?
Find out in the next part of Let’s play My Boyfriend!